This is me!

I got to remember how I looked like, I don't want to look like what I did before 2006.

Jd's good conscious says:

JD Look at yourself!!!!

Look how well you looked at 196!!!!

You felt fat but you were so skinny

Loose 30 pounds to get back to your weight...

You can do it!!!!

Jd's bad conscious says:

I hope I can do it! It's hard very hard! especially cause I have no self control on food, Food is my weakness.

Breakfast good, lunch is good, but dinner I go out of control.

436 Pounds

450 Pounds

196 Pounds

196 Pounds

Weigh in was 219

its going down....

:)

Fasting was a successes yesterday, 24 hours without eating.

I ran 6 miles at Memorial, I noticed I had a great run
muscles didn't ache, not even fatigue

I am now convinced if i want to feel great when i run I got to eat
healthier and less junk.. what you eat can greatly affect the mood and speed of a run.

Im fasting today.. hoping to run later on today

Weigh in on Friday October 23 was 223 pounds

Harldy exercised but I am eating healthier

Hoping to get in 12 miles before my weigh in on Friday

Thanksgiving is nearing, and I have to be good.

Not a good week. weighed in at 228.6

I gained a lot, hopefully I drop a few since I will be running this week.

Keeping track of my weight will help me to not let go and will get me back on track.

Meds are working, now I got to put an effort into eating healthier.

I am looking into trying out myfit foods, anyone tried it? does it work?

http://www.myfitfoods.com/

I keep coming to my blog and reading my previous posts, by the hour LOL

Notice I been complaining about eating out a lot LOL yet I still eat.

My brain says you got to eat to survive but I know I can not survive on fast food for the rest of my life. It will only get worse and eventually get bigger and gain my weight back. I got to make time to cook and bring my food to work.

I will post pictures of my journey to help me remember what I went thru, perhaps give me some motivation to stop eating out, or make better health choices when I eat out.

Because of the medication I am taking, I can no longer drink alcohol. I been sober free for 1 month. Lot less calories too. I went out for Susie's Birthday Party I ordered water.. yes water at the Bar.. LOL

Eventually the weight must come off. Slowly, I need to be patient.

Why can't I stop eating?????

I seem to know more and more people than just 2 years ago. It feels like being social is harder than ever to keep my weight down. Everyone eats out to have a good time or just to catch up and hang out. It's hard not to eat out with them.

I donated all my big clothes in hopes to never need them. Now I feel like I do need my big clothes. It sucks to be at work wearing tight clothes, feels very uncomfortable, I feel like eating more and more to cover up the feelings why my pants don't close up.. There is literally 1 inch gap in between the button and the hole where the button goes... I can close them but then my stomach will stick out and it's just an uncomfortable feeling.

Going back to running has not been easy, maybe i should start walking instead, I feel discourage when i run and feel 100 pounds heavier. It makes me not want to run ever again.

Any advice? or Suggestions?

I weighed myself last night.... Drum roll

the official number is 221 pounds..

It felt like weighing 250 LOL

Going to start eating healthy and exercise more this coming week.

Weigh In's will be Friday nights.

Now I finally realized after gaining so much weight back I really was at a good weight at 196.

I finally see what people saw in me, that 196 was skinny :) In my head I wanted to get down to 177 but now looking back at the pictures I have, damn I was looking good at 196.

Now the goal it to get back to 196 and stay there and stop telling myself I looked fat at 196

Weird how the brain plays tricks on you and live life taking things for granted and I have to gain a lot of weight to realize people were telling me all along I looking good when I really still felt fat and out of shape at 196.. but I had nothing to compare it too. Now I do..

Shit now I really feel fat and out of shape compared to 196

I still have not weighed myself, but I bet I'm hovering 250 LOL
no excuses!!!!!!